Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
