You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
