I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
