Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Boobs speak an international language.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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