You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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