It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
