Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
