i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
