Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
