Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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