...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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