all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
