"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
