if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
