sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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