Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
