I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
