ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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