Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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