I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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