He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
