i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
