All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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