I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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