my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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