dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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