yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
