Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
