the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
