if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
