is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
