Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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