I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
