I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
