he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize