Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
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You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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