he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
