i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
