So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize