What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
