I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
