we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
