I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
