Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
NoShamevember. You game?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
