i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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