I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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