Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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