Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think your dad took our porno
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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