And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
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She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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