I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
