it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
