hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
