So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
