wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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