Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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