My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
