i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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