we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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