Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
