The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
