you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
