went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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