I accidentally had phone sex last night
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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