We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
