Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
