I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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