Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
