no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
