This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
