You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
