I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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