everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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