I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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