why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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