I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
