I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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