I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
